My Personal Opinions About Life

Before seeing this photo, I was never quite sure where Facebook, the biggest online social networking site, stood on the subject of gay marriage and just homosexual people in general. Well, this new feature on their site told me quite frankly where they stand. Facebook, thank you so much for doing this. I know many straight people, even good friends of mine, who truly do care for gays and will fight for their rights and everything; but they can never understand the full extent of the hatred and prejudice we get from the assholes in our society. For the straights, small things like this may not seem as emotional and grand as it seems for gay men, like me, and gay women. They know it matters, but they can’t feel the emotion of finally being acknowledged by society, if not one small thing at a time.

For me, my childhood fantasy had always been getting married. Looking back now, to those dreams, i realize that i never did put a definite image for the definition of “marriage.” It wasn’t me and a woman. It was me and a person i loved. And society told me to love women. I just went with it, knowing too little to contradict what the majority felt was the right thing. Now, i still don’t see myself getting married, or being in a relationship at all for that matter (but that stems from other issues i have). But my point is, this takes another step to changing the heterosexual default of our society. We’re starting to change our mindsets. Marriage doesn’t mean a man and a woman anymore. It means two people in love. And although we have made these changes, we still have a long way to go before we can turn around a common belief that’s been present for many centuries now. But thanks to facebook and the open-minded media and influential people like celebrities and government officials, we’re taking small steps towards the direction of progress.

SO yesterday was my first fishing trip. It was the 4th of July and my dad was trying to find an excuse to fulfill is filial requirements, so he invited us fishing. You should have seen me two nights before after hearing this news. I was fucking emotional as ever. By now all of you guys should now how emotional i get. I was like on my man period (i should really keep track of these emotional alshes). Sometimes simple things that irk me get to me really deep and i have a fit (internally, of course) with lots of silent groaning and writhing on the floor unbeknownst to my mom. I woke up early that day and i was less bitchy, but still bitcy nonetheless. After the 45 minute drive to Ventura Pier, i guess i already lighten up. The cold overcast weather and the multitude of attractive surfers riding the water seemed to help diffuse my irateness. As i said, these emotional fits come and go. And walking down that pier it was gone. I was actually a bit excited, which i said none a word of to my family. But going fishing, experiencing a new thing kinda interest me. I guess what always pisses me off is that i have to do these fun exciting things with “them” - my family. I always picture my life with the perfect people, but then again I’m not a nearly decent myself. But i digress as usual, My first nervous throw of the rod ( it was less of a throw and more a leaning on the railings and swinging the tip of the rod like a pendulum at the water. I actually got a fish my first try. YES! It was kinda small but, i got the first fish. Then, my second cast (pendulum swing) i got the metal bearing stuck underneath the walk. FUCK… my dad managed to get out after performing some weird cowboy tricks with a fish line. The next 2.5 hours was fueled by my lucky catch and i actually breezed through the experience. I wasn’t bored till the end and i actually loved pondering and relying on probability to get a fish. Of course, i was left a bit nervous when ever i cast my rod which may have affected my lack of fish caught during the remaining of our stay. It was very funny actually in the end, when after just sitting on the walk with the rod in my hand for like half an hour waiting for my dad to throw his final cast that i reel in my line bored and only to find some weird fish on the hook. i didn’t even feel it nibble or pull. Maybe it was my boredom nullifying my surroundings. I tend to do that. Regardless, i actually had this brief feeling of wanting to continue to fish brought about by the hope of maybe catching another one. Of course, i had to stop myself there. We left and we drove home. But a day with the family doesn’t happen without arguments//drama/ fuckery. We had a fight over where to eat. Like a serious fucking fight with my mom just going home by herself and my dad brother and i eating at wendys. In the end the day was more fun and less excruciating than i thought it would have been. i would love to go fishing with them, but not with them. Maybe someday i’ll go fishing with my special someone.

As a young gay man, I see what the push has been in our society to normalize homosexuality. However the movement has only begun. All over the world, gays are still persecuted like pests; and that scares me. Even though the media has made it seem like there has been a significant change in perspective, in my opinion the people are just as homophobic and the nice people are just as tolerant. It just happens that the media aggrandizes the tolerance (sometimes) and tries to demean The homophobia. But that doesn’t mean there has been a great movement in the demographic, only an awareness. And for Anderson’s case being a journalist that travels the world, I worry for the possible dangers he might encounter. Those who reside in ignorant countries might pose as a threat (they DO pose as a threat) to many gays. But at The same time I believe that change is made from the little things. And each little positive change we do adds up to progress. And what Anderson did, I certainly believe will add up to this movement. I don’t know If I’ll be able to see it bear its fruits in my lifetime. But if people keep striving for this if people don’t give up, some day all the little changes will add up and history will take over.

*Update So I’m rearranging ALL MY POSTS on tumblr. So my “NEw BEginning” will be the handsome face of JAck HArries that says “hi there.” And the last post (for now) will be this. I wanna ask you guys’ opinion if any of you out there are reading this). So my “new beginning” is right now on the page before this (for now). Everything after the “hi there” beginning are the random funny reposts, hot men, and just silly quirky stuff i felt like having. But i want to sor them out in a way that doesn’t flood my venting/ranting/written posts. Should i insert the random posts i have like reblogged Korra fanfiction, hot men, and pictures in between the rants so that everything is in chronoligical order? Or do you want the rants separate from the random stuff? I know i’m kind getting all OCD about it. Let me know bwhat you think i should do to arrange th epostsby messaging me or cicking the “ask me anything” button and writing. Im probably expecting too much, assuming that there are people who care at all. Oh well… I’ll see. IN the end, i guess I’ll just let my OCD decide if i hear no suggestions.

One thing about me you all have to get used to: i fret over the small details and try to be as organized or presentable and perfect but i never do which drives me crazy. And i tend to be talkative and write too much …. :3

*Note I’m so sorry if I haven’t been ranting on my ranting tumblr. I’ve been quite lazy since the beginning of summer and faced some emotional difficulties, so I apologize once again. But after getting started after someone messages me looking for my rants, it made me start again. I think I’ll have more frequent written posts. Also I have a journal on my phone which I can also post here. The entries might be old but I just might post it. Will it be awkward? Tell me what you think if I should do it. I’m assuming that there are now at least one person reading this and I thank you so much for your interest! As you can see I’ve been reblogging random shit and basically naked men because I’m in my Doldrums. I really have a short attention span and lose interest quickly that’s why I end up posting pictures and stuff instead. Shout out to the person (sorry I forgot your username and I can’t check my inbox since I replied to you!) for spurring me to talk again. I’ll try to write more now that I know people are actually interested in following me :D

 One last thing… since there are some who wanna see my rant I’m going to resurface my previous posts and put them on top. I hope it’s not too awkward! I’m gonna try to arrange them so that at least they would be in chronological order even if their dates will be off. Also, sorry for any typos or other errors. I’m a bit dyslexic. I briefly went through a bad time but I’m back again ranting. But please just put up with the random crap I blog in between. I’m going to be re-blogging every post that seemed opinionated below this post. Maybe I’ll even out the random crap in between. I know the time stamp for all of these will be complicated but fuck it. I know my OCD is kicking in but KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON (Which by the way I now have a notebook of and also a short fiction about an AU Prom week in my school. I will talk about these soon after I get all this shit settled and fixed :D)

I know that in my country, The United States, there has been quite a movement for pushing homosexuality as a norm in society. Although I’m quite happy that the gay genre has been ever more present in the media, I feel like it hasn’t really made significant changes. I don’t mean to make preliminary judgments on a movement that just begun. But I do want to express how ignorant our society still is.

Today, I was volunteering at the Library in Calabasas. The neighborhood itself is quite known for a higher standard of living. To me, I see people with wealth as people who have the opportunity to educate themselves and be aware of the issues around them. Of course, it would be pretty easy for me to be a little more ostensible with sexuality in the area. Whenever I volunteer I still fear the process of coming out to friends I make, regardless of my expectations for these citizens. I mean I’ve read so many stories of family, friends, and people who have never been mean and deriding in their lives but turn into the devil in a snap when they find out that someone’s gay. The lingering paranoia that everyone might be homophobic isn’t that much of an irrational fear.

But let’s talk about what happened today. SO I was volunteering with my new friend SHivaani (I’m not really sure if I’m allowed to use her name but I’ll just proceed on until someone tells me it isn’t). She’s in 7th grade going into 8th grade. As usual whenever I feel that I’m getting anti-social and awkward, I automatically switch into the social butterfly. This, of course, is only effective to people I feel like I’m over or at the same level or girls — That’s why I can’t use the same trick on Isaac ;(.SO I befriend Shivaani and I find out that she’s a nice young girl. She’s polite funny, and she actually enjoys signing up the kids into the reading program. So that’s how I spent our 3 hours in the library: talking. I wasn’t trying to be all manly voice Daryl and all. I think I was my average tiny bit flamboyant self (but I was wearing ugly purple shirt of the program which maybe may have helped create the facade that I was straight). When it was almost time to go, she asked me how many minutes left; so I checked my phone. I said 3 minutes but the guy sitting next to me playfully argued that we only have a minute left. So I said “well, I have an iPhone. That makes it more credible.” And I turn my phone to show him the screen which exposed the back of my case to Shivaani.

Now my iPhone case is not very manly at all. I don’t know if I feel like uploading a photo (okay, I will later) but I’ll describe it for you right now. It’s basically silver on the sides and the black is quilted white leather. It kinda looks like those fancy Chanel bags without the logo. SO it was pretty feminine. What struck me was Shivaani’s reaction to it. And I quote “Isn’t that case a bit girly for you?” …… :O. At least she didn’t call it ‘gay’! In our current society it isn’t that improbable of an occurrence. I didn’t know what to do. At that moment I felt to things, happiness and nervousness. I felt happy because from her reaction I discerned that I could still come across as straight to people. I know I’m far from pretending anymore ever since my awkward fashion phase in my freshmen year. But it was still a welcome feeling to know that maybe I’m not too exposed for others to ridicule. At the same time her comment made me uncomfortable. How was I supposed to answer that. I usually assume that everyone kinda gets the vibe that I’m gay when they meet me. What was I to do? SO I just said ‘O.K.’ and changed the subject.

I know this seems such as a minor event, but to me it reveals how ignorant society still is and how prominent gender roles are, especially in younger teens. I was lucky all Shivaani said was girly. I was lucky that she didn’t attack me. I was lucky that she didn’t connect the dots: girl phone case and pink cherry blossom lock screen (which I think she did see but didn’t comment on it or didn’t think it was girly enough because cherry blossoms don’t make the girly bar. I don’t know). I wish that the change the people are trying to push in the media also be implemented in other things like books and maybe stories. The people who watch the TV shows with the gay characters are either gay themselves or mostly girls. The people who need to see the push either mock the show or don’t like the genre. That’s why I think that homosexuality should be its own genre. Everything todays is heterosexual by default. It annoys me (I also have a rant about this about a shelf in Barnes and Nobles but We’ll do that next time).

So in the end, I decided that maybe I just shouldn’t come out to Shivaani and to my other volunteer friends. It’s not that they’re deriding and denying me civil rights, it may be that they are just not educated on the subject enough to be politically correct. Maybe soon the tiny changes we see today would spread and finally reach the roots of our civilization. It all starts with the children, who in turn grows up to be what makes our future society. Someday I think this change will be achieved. I just wish I’ll be alive ( and married …..maybe) to see it :D